You're Not Dead
by Loricoon
Summary: Beast Boy attempts to deal with the overwhelming sorrow that comes with the loss of a very close friend. BBxRae. First songfic and overall fanfic.


**You're Not Dead**

**A/N: **No I do not own Teen Titans. Nor do I own this song. Signs is by Bloc Party.

Silence. The complete absence of sound. It was something that was not commonly found in the large T-shaped tower, but there was good reason for there to be utter silence now. Funny. This was how _she_ had always wanted it. Silent. And now that she was gone, that was how it was.

A tired green figure stood in front of the large windows of the common room. His hand lay on the cold glass as he looked out over the city. His usually sparkling emerald eyes were dulled and dark circles underneath him made him look gaunt, nothing like the happy kid he had been.

Garfield Logan, or Beast Boy as he was commonly known, had nothing to be happy about anymore. He had lost pretty much everything in his life. His normality, his family, and now… and now she was gone too. He sighed, not wanting to think about it anymore, but there was nothing he could do. Nothing would ever be the same without her.

The rest of the tower was in a similarly depressed state. Starfire, the usually chipper young alien was grounded, not able to feel the unbridled joy that was required for flight. Her large, shimmering green eyes were constantly laced with tears and she often broke down and would have to leave the room. She had lost her best friend after all.

Cyborg was not much better off. Although he didn't cry as the alien princess did, he couldn't bring himself to do much more than sit on the couch looking down. He barely had an appetite, something very strange for the metal man. He didn't even want to go work on his 'baby'. It only reminded him of that bond they had shared while she was still around.

Robin was the only one in the tower who wasn't moping around. Not to say that he wasn't sad. He was completely distraught. He had lost a valued team member and a valued friend. But unlike the others, when he was upset, he had to occupy himself. He was currently shut up in the evidence room, working on cold-cases, but was secretly beating himself up about the whole ordeal, as if there was something he could have done.

But none compared to the depression Beast Boy had spiraled into. He ate less, interacted less, and did less than any of them. All he did was sleep and stare out of the window, thinking of her, sadness clenching his heart. The sky was gray, not a patch of blue sky or sunlight visible through the overcast clouds. It was as if the weather was also grieving their loss. He sniffed, closing his eyes slowly, lowering his hand from the window. He couldn't bare it any longer. It may have been a couple of days since her funeral, but he was sure he would never get over it. He hadn't even gotten a chance to tell her what he had wanted to tell her for almost a year now. Just being in the tower made it that much worse.

Without a word to his companions, the changeling turned from the window and walked towards the door. No one questioned him. No one tried to stop him. They were all too consumed with sadness.

Beast Boy stepped out of the tower for the first time in what it felt like a month, although he knew he had been outside at her burial a mere five days prior. He took a large breath in, then exhaled, his breath coming in clouds in the frigid December air. He looked to the sky, and then changed into a hawk, feeling the freezing air beneath his wings as he looked for someplace to escape to. He flew over the city, but despite the freeing sensation of flight, his mind was still weighted down with thoughts of her. Her perfectly straight, violet hair. Her amethyst, wisdom-filled eyes. And those rare soft smiles that would cross her beautiful lips. The hawk let out a broken cry of sadness as he remembered everything about her.

Still in his hawk form, Beast Boy swooped low and touched down onto the ground. Morphing back into a human, he stood in the middle of the grassy Jump City Park. There were no children out today. No joggers. No dog walkers. The green titan sighed and went over to sit on a nearby park bench.

He looked at the sky, at the grass, and at the trees. Everything around him seemed so… lifeless. Just as she was now. He shook his head. He had to stop thinking about her every minute of every day. Life had to go on, even if hers didn't. From his belt, the changeling took out an MP3 player. Some music may be able to clear his mind. Console him his dark time. He inserted the ear buds in his pointed elf-like ears and pressed play. He closed his eyes, allowing his mind to be erased by the sounds of music.

Then he heard something above the music. A soft caw. If it hadn't been for his heightened animal senses or his attuned sensitivity to nature, he would not have heard it. Lowering the volume of the music, he listened, and he heard it again. His eyes slowly opened and he saw two birds sitting on a branch of the tree in front of him. The two birds were ravens, and as he looked at them, sitting side by side on that branch, the song on his player changed and his heart wrenched as, for the first time, he really heard the lyrics of a song he had been listening to for so long.

_Two ravens in the old oak tree and  
One for you and one for me and  
Bluebells in the late December  
I see signs now all the time__'__m the one that__'__s drowning now__'__re not dead, you're sleeping  
I believe in anything  
That brings you back home to me__'__re not dead, you're sleeping  
I believe in anything  
That brings you back home to me._

The last time we slept together  
There was something that was not there  
You never wanted to alarm me  
But I

I could sleep forever these days  
Because in my dreams I see you again  
But this time fleshed out fuller faced  
In your confirmation dress

It was so like you to visit me  
To let me know you were ok  
It was so like you to visit me  
You always worried about someone else

At your funeral I was so upset  
So upset so upset  
In your life you were larger than this  
Statue-statuesque

I see signs now all the time  
That you

I see signs now all the time  
That you

Beast Boy buried his face in his hands and openly wept. His shoulders heaved with sadness and his mournful weeping echoed in the otherwise silent December air. In the tree, one of the ravens let out another soft caw, then flew away, leaving the remaining one to join in Beast Boy's sorrow filled cries.


End file.
